Headache

Every time I try to my mind becomes dead. I get a headache, sometimes even at the thought. As though an idea can cripple me. I feel the pressure inside my head. A dam suddenly full to burst, but the water muddies and blocks the river. I can see but I can't see. I see a tree but not the forest. Maybe I can paint the tree and then the forest disappears and the tree dies and I suffocate in the dry airless wasteland. My limbs can't even move now so I can't pain't another tree. Even if I could paint some flowers they would wither immediately. Perhaps I should stop and step back, but it only get's further away and I still can't see clearer. I try to look at the picture cross-eyed, but it's only in double. No! wait, I think I saw the idea I lost. But now it's gone and can't think in double so what's the point? No point, but at least I tried that option. Relax, try to stop being so tense, why am I so tense? Breathe in, breath out. Standinfrontofthepicture! Stand-in-front-of-the-picture. Stand... In front... Of the... Idea...Ahh, I see now. But the gold has peeled off and now it's dull and dirty. I wonder what the difference is? I have a sneaking suspicion this idea isn't really the idea but just a thought my subconscious made for me so I don't feel depressed. Now I know it's a lie, I cant pretend. Why didn't you say before? I guess you where just trying to be nice but now I wonder how long have you deceived me? I know you do it all the time, I've caught you before. Was the first idea a real idea or one of your lies? It doesn't matter really, if it was a lie that is. It was wonderful and I don't care. Show me what it was if you remember, or help me find another if you care? Who am I kidding. I'm just talking to myself. Do you care? no answer... how stupid! why am I getting upset because I'm not answering myself? Or maybe the question is why are you not answering me? Oh you didn't think of that did you? Oh yes I forgot there's always two sides to a story. Stop talking to me...